Count down to Puna

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I was just washing dishes and thinking about all the things I have to do, all the stresses of leaving next week for Hawaii. I realized that even though some of these things suck .. I am about to start down an amazing road.  And that this time, right now, I will never feel again.  I won’t really remember this exact feeling of being on a precipice and knowing I am going to jump off.  Calm yet not.  I felt that if I should record anything, it should be who I am now and what I am now.  I will be grateful for it later I suspect.

My brain is buzzing with ideas. Some good ones I think. It is important for me to have a balance not only ecologically but also economically positive.  We have to support ourselves in this endeavor and do so pretty immediately.  I am excited to be challenged in this way, to really put my “believies” to the test.  Let’s see if we can really do it.  I am determined to make our problems into our solutions and still have time to sit in the middle of the jungle with my love, back to back and just be there.

I was telling a friend just yesterday that I felt on one hand that I was so lucky, oh my god! how lucky! To be able to go there, to live there, with my love! Our dream come true .. obviously the question was really .. do I deserve this?  And then I thought, well but no one is any more or less important than I am, the only difference is that … I asked.  I said, can I come to this place in paradise and live and work with you .. since you already have my boyfriend I suppose I have an advantage.  Of course the answer was yes!

I kind of steer away from what I consider hokey expressions so IF I use them, it is for lack of a better way of saying what I want to.  Intuition and empathy and openness are essential parts to who I am and I have such gratitude in all that has brought into my life.

Hokey as it sounds, every moment is a choice and being in the moment with positive thoughts and positive focus does make a difference.  Whatever that may be for you. It’s not that the negative isn’t there and we do not look at it but that when we do we decide more often than not that it is unimportant and has no power over us and these wonderful things we want.  No one could ever do it perfectly or all the time but trying to do it, and trying to be a real, authentic person is worthy and gives real, tangible results in one’s life.

The ethics of Care of Earth, Care of People and Return of Surplus.  For me to feel real I want to make every choice forward with those ethics in mind and do my best to achieve it.  At the same time in a kind and generous and loving way to myself.  In other words, not beating myself up for failures that are about things beyond my control.

To me those ethics say it all must balance and transitions CAN happen gradually and gently.  Some things are in focus and some are not.  It’s all good as some might say.  It’s all good.  Including the painful parts.

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