In a nutshell? Change! Lots of changes, some of them very painful and some of them very joyful.
Personal, emotional and spiritual development has always been a big part of what I spend a lot of time thinking about, especially lately. As I get older, I have had very specific and profound breakthroughs, like most people have. Even if a person is only marginally able to self reflect, they still have these experiences throughout life. I have always known that most of the time I only acknowledged the problem or challenge that I was facing, honestly and realistically I hope, but that I still rarely was able to act with any motivation to resolve it. A breakthrough in self-reflection is one thing, but it is not the change that should come from it. This seems to be epidemic in our society. I am not the only person who is stuck in that behavior or belief. If this wasn’t true, we wouldn’t be doing all the mind-boggling things we do.
Don’t get me wrong, I have made great strides. I enjoy challenging myself, especially when it comes to really deeply personal issues. One of the more positive has been in my continuing effort to honor and accept how others choose to live their lives. Especially those that I love. It is selfish because I want them to do that for me. I want them to love all of who I am, the weird person, the shy person, the naïve person, the sarcastic person. That includes body image that ties into deeply intimate parts of who I am. I had to have that in the person I share my life with and I do but I want it from all people who share in my life, all people who I love. To have that I have to give it and I work hard to do that. I get better everyday.
I always make it a point to check in with my intuition, rarely does it lie to me. It had always told me that the key would be in the right tools. This of course has meant a life long search for the tools that are best for me. Perhaps it is a hit or miss kind of thing depending on when you learn about what philosophy or technique or belief system,. I suspect it has just as much to do with my personal belief structure which is as unique as my fingerprint. Timing is everything? It doesn’t matter. For me it had everything to do with my belief that wonderment and searching and exploring were what was important.
Much of what I looked at however was getting caught up in too much extraneous dressing or as a wise man has said, romance. I felt like everything was just too much. Too many rules, too negative, too positive, too much ritual. Sure we are talking about big things here but for me all that had gotten in the way, it was my excuse for not doing the work that I knew I wanted to do. I want to be a happy, healthy, joyful and fulfilled human being. I want to be in every moment fully and have joy in it. I also knew it wouldn’t be easy, it would be painful and I was fearful that in fact I couldn’t really achieve it.
Lucky for me I did manage to find some tools that look like they very well might work for me. I am already well on my path by reaching out and discovering permaculture and the hope that it has brought me in what human beings really can do with their lives, any of us can do. The realization that as humans have destroyed much, we can, have and should heal and create much. It would be easy and wonderful and wise if only we would just decide that was what we were going to do.
The other side of that is of course obvious and that is what I turn my back on because that is the status quot, that is violent, that is hard, that is meaningless to me, pointless. Sure I will always be forced to participate somewhat in society or I will create too much chaos in my life but I can and have unplugged myself. I will no longer try to fight that which I am powerless to change, it is only myself and my personal experience that I can change.
I have said to society that it saddens me that you think there is no other way, I don’t choose to believe that. We will be over here trying something different, something beautiful and positive. We have committed ourselves to these simple, basic ethics and we will patiently and eagerly wait for you if you change your mind. We will then happily show you what we have done, how we have done it and invite you to join us, to make your contribution. We will continue to try to motivate and encourage others to do the same by having the experience, of showing by action and result that it is possible.
A recent addition to my tools is the ancient Hawaiian Huna spiritual practices. I am just learning about this myself, motivated to do so in the hopes of sharing in the experiences that my love is having at his permaculture internship in Hawaii. As any good geek chick, dedicated to self-education, a quick google search brought me to www.huna.org and I knew almost immediately that this was what I had been looking for. Practical, simple, joyful, powerful, self guiding and motivating and deeply connected intimately to body and mind and spirit. It is also humble and kind and gentle.
If you are interested, give it a look. I suggest the Articles section for short introductory articles about Huna and then a visit to their YouTube channel. Huna Healing in three parts is not to be missed. I am grateful to discover that I was right to listen to my intuition and not use the word Aloha until I truly understood what it meant.