Monthly Archives: July 2013

Count down to Puna


I was just washing dishes and thinking about all the things I have to do, all the stresses of leaving next week for Hawaii. I realized that even though some of these things suck .. I am about to start down an amazing road.  And that this time, right now, I will never feel again.  I won’t really remember this exact feeling of being on a precipice and knowing I am going to jump off.  Calm yet not.  I felt that if I should record anything, it should be who I am now and what I am now.  I will be grateful for it later I suspect.

My brain is buzzing with ideas. Some good ones I think. It is important for me to have a balance not only ecologically but also economically positive.  We have to support ourselves in this endeavor and do so pretty immediately.  I am excited to be challenged in this way, to really put my “believies” to the test.  Let’s see if we can really do it.  I am determined to make our problems into our solutions and still have time to sit in the middle of the jungle with my love, back to back and just be there.

I was telling a friend just yesterday that I felt on one hand that I was so lucky, oh my god! how lucky! To be able to go there, to live there, with my love! Our dream come true .. obviously the question was really .. do I deserve this?  And then I thought, well but no one is any more or less important than I am, the only difference is that … I asked.  I said, can I come to this place in paradise and live and work with you .. since you already have my boyfriend I suppose I have an advantage.  Of course the answer was yes!

I kind of steer away from what I consider hokey expressions so IF I use them, it is for lack of a better way of saying what I want to.  Intuition and empathy and openness are essential parts to who I am and I have such gratitude in all that has brought into my life.

Hokey as it sounds, every moment is a choice and being in the moment with positive thoughts and positive focus does make a difference.  Whatever that may be for you. It’s not that the negative isn’t there and we do not look at it but that when we do we decide more often than not that it is unimportant and has no power over us and these wonderful things we want.  No one could ever do it perfectly or all the time but trying to do it, and trying to be a real, authentic person is worthy and gives real, tangible results in one’s life.

The ethics of Care of Earth, Care of People and Return of Surplus.  For me to feel real I want to make every choice forward with those ethics in mind and do my best to achieve it.  At the same time in a kind and generous and loving way to myself.  In other words, not beating myself up for failures that are about things beyond my control.

To me those ethics say it all must balance and transitions CAN happen gradually and gently.  Some things are in focus and some are not.  It’s all good as some might say.  It’s all good.  Including the painful parts.




Louis CK – Live at The Beacon Theater HD – YouTube.

Any fan of Louis CK is bound to recognize this word. If you don’t and worse still, if you don’t know Louis, you should. Above is a link to the video, believies comes up around 6 minute mark. This is for adults, if you can’t handle the real world, with real concepts and language then don’t watch.

So go ahead and watch then come back .. I’ll wait.


At this point I wonder, how many actually watched this and how many “got it”.  Of course that is entirely subjective and judgmental and that is something I try not to be.  Yeah, a believie.  When I first saw this and heard Lewis say these words, I felt like a brick had hit me upside the head.  I’m sure that would make him grin.

I believe it .. but I’m not going to do it.

I have a lot of beliefs and I live by none of them. 

They are just my beliefs, I just like believing them. 

They are my little believies! They make me feel good about who I am!

But if they get in the way of what I want – fuck that – I do what I want!

Rather than take it literally, I think I get it.  That we must inwardly challenge our beliefs if we want to be authentic people.  If we don’t really want to be, if we want to feel the pleasant feelings of our believies then we should and not feel bad about it.  If we want to live in a balance then we should really do it and have the guts to at least acknowledge our believies.

One thing I say I hate is hypocrisy.   Yet if I were really honest with myself, many times I am just feeling a believie but completely unprepared to do anything about it. To have that manifest in how I live my life.   If asked why, I’d probably say “I don’t know”.  But I would .. down deep ..  that’s work .. that’s scary .. perhaps I can’t do it .. perhaps there is nothing to this ..

People like Louis CK and George Carin are great gifts to us.  They help us see the absurdity of us in glaring, up-close, truth of what we do.  As humans and as societies and cultures.  They challenge beliefs with hard observations and challenges that most of us haven’t the guts to.  Yet we must want to at least a little or they wouldn’t be so popular. George Carlin was a legend in his own time and his words will be quoted forever.

I love these moments of synchronicity that appear throughout life, that take us farther on the journey of experience.   These moments add to all the others, making me who I am, making you who you are.

So the question is, how much can we take our believies and make them authentic? How can we make them take form in our lives?  Give us actions to do.  Step by step, choice by choice  …. each moment is ready to be that.

Life is fucking brilliant, I am much in favor of it.